Dear Tiff ♥

Today marks your 29th birthday. 

February 27th marked 5 years since you've been gone. 

February 20th marked 5 years since we have seen your face. 

I pray that Heaven is treating you better than anyone on Earth could have. I know that God has you in His arms, protected, but I wish that I could just see your face and hear your laugh again. Like old times. Its been really hard here without you.. I'm sure you've noticed. The day I found out that I would never see your face again was the day my whole life changed. I never imagined in my life I'd be writing you a letter that you'd never receive. Instead, you're sitting beside me in spirit, reading this as I type.

First of all, I want to say that there is no doubt in the world that your kids are related to you. Your daughter looks and speaks just like you. She's a spitting image. She's such a sweetie. I see her dad in her but more of you! Also, your son is very respectful, loves sports and he's very smart. As you know, he's not into girls right now. He prefers to get through school without any drama and he's lovable. I'm so proud of them. They remind me so much of you. Moreover, I pray their innocence never weakens. I pray you watch over them and keep them on the right path. Your son and daughter want the best in life: to help their grandmom and to go to college. I know they will! They're amazing kids. & I can't wait until I am able to spend a lot more time with them.

Secondly, I know you're happy up in Heaven but I can't help but wonder how life would be if you were still here. I miss you and it still hurts Tiffany. I know you wouldn't want me to feel this way and I'm working on it. But some days I wish I was living in the sky with you. Every day without you hurts. It hurts to see how things have panned out since you've been gone. This pain will never go away. It shouldn't have been you. It replays in my head every day that it shouldn't have been you. Therefore, I try to hold on to any memory I have of you. I hate that I can't keep them forever.

I'm sorry. Sincerely sorry that I didn't convince you to take a bunch of photos with me, sorry that I didn't keep in touch as much when you moved away, and more importantly, I'm sorry that I didn't let you know how much you meant to me while you were here. I'm hurting because of it. I try to keep it to myself but sometimes I can't take it. Moreover, songs that we used to sing that didn't mean much to me now make me break down in tears. It's life right? We Belong Together was a song you swore you'd play at your wedding. We used to sing it together. It wasn't until a few months ago I really sat down and took in the lyrics that I realized Mariah's heartbreak song could be interpreted as losing a loved one. "I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever be without your love. Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself." That I have done many nights because there isn't anyone really to turn to. All I really had was you.

In conclusion, I may have trouble accepting the fact that you're gone and maybe one day I will, but today I won't. Instead, its like we're going awhile without seeing each other & that's how I'll think of it until we meet again. Losing you was like losing my best friend. You'll always be. However, I can understand why God would have wanted you in His garden. You were truly beautiful in your own way. I will never forget you and I miss you like crazy.. If only I could bring you back to life in my dreams. I'd keep you there forever.

"The pain reflected in this song

Ain't even half of what

I'm feeling inside

I need you

Need you back in my life ." 

Happy 29th Birthday babygirl

Love Always, Re