Once upon a time, I used to be conceited. I took pictures literally every day of myself. People couldnt stand to see my face anymore. I used to believe I was gorgeous. I had memory cards full of pictures. Nicknamed myself "Flawless Beauty." There was a song called Conceited and that was my ringtone in everyone's phone for me. I no longer think that way. Very naive way of thinking, it was. I'm not even sure how to improve these thoughts. Because I lack confidence, I'm unable to go after things that I want. Because I'm shy, its hard for me to make new friends or approach guys I think are cute. I thought this was something that I'd eventually get over but its not. I wish I was pretty. My beauty lies in the inside. My generation won't give your inner beauty a chance unless your outer beauty is more amazing. They may even put up with a horrible personality just because the outside is pretty. Its always been this way. The guys always choose the girls with a flat stomach, gorgeous face, and dresses how she speaks. I don't have a flat stomach (I wish), but I'm not fat. My face isn't gorgeous. I wouldn't even say I'm "average." I'm not the kind of girl you'd walk past and have to take a 2nd look. You could walk past me and just keep walking because nothing about the outside of me is as pretty as the inside. I don't dress how I wish I could due to expenses. Finding a job isn't easy.
I guess you can say since high school, I've been battling insecurity. Many of the guys I dated, cheated on me. Many of the guys I had crushes on, played me for girls who probably weren't as pretty but had better bodies than I did. Or I couldnt have the guy I had a crush on because I wasnt as pretty in the face. I've been told I have a great personality but personality doesn't win hearts these days. Its just a plus. I remember when looks were just the plus. Well it still is for me. I'm not sure how to improve my self esteem or how to make myself feel better about being myself. Are there books for this? Do I need to go see someone about it? Idk. Some days I wish I was as pretty as the girls I see on Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, or even Facebook. But I'm not. & there's nothing I can do about that except learn to live with it & accept it.
Society wants you to believe you should look a certain way....
Then they tell you, "every girl is beautiful in her own way..."
But is that really true?