One thing I am horrible at is introducing myself to a male. I can't speak to one. I'm so darn shy and I hate it. It's probably what is keeping me single at the moment. To make things worse, I tell myself I'm not ready for a boyfriend and wind up pushing guys away and its not right. Even worse than that is I get jealous of the couples I see at the zoo and daydream and wish I had someone for myself. But I don't. My trust issues and problems in my last relationship still haunt me until this day. While I no longer want my ex back, I find myself comparing guys to him or comparing myself to their exes.I tell myself that I am not ready for another relationship because I'm not emotionally over the last one. Nor do I have anything to offer a guy in a relationship. I don't have sex, I don't have a car, I barely have time to do anything between two jobs and I have a mental illness that may be a real turn off. I know you're not supposed to go around telling people you have one but if they see you popping a pill they may think worse of you. No I don't go around telling people I have a mental illness. I don't want a pity party, but that is a total different story for another time.
ANYWAY, I don't think prince charming or Mr. Right will ever come along for me. Yet I do have the rest of my life for love, I hate thinking that. I hate thinking that one day I may meet Mr. Right and somehow push him away because I don't know how to express my emotions or I'm so insecure that I think I'm going to lose him due to it. I'm single because I have these issues. Inner issues. Not because I'm still in love with my ex. No. He just created a lot of trust issues for me and I'm afraid of passing them on in future relationships. Damn, I really have fucked up a lot of good guy relationships because I claimed I wasn't ready or couldn't handle it because I had nothing to offer in one. Hell if I know.I want a relationship. I want the love that comes from one, cute text messages, dates and everything else that a relationship may have. Ugh, I wish I wasn't so complicated. Maybe then Mr. Right would come along. I just wish I knew when my time was.
♥
Reisha
Hey sweetie. I can relate to this on so many levels. I think there's a special person out there for everyone. You should never let your fears hold you back. When the time is right, the RIGHT ONE FOR YOU will come along. He may not be perfect but he'll be perfect for you. Keep the faith. (I'm very short like you as well. Just 5'0)
ReplyDeleteThank you Faith! I have hope & yaay to us shorties hehe.
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