Lately I've been feeling more lost than ever. My job has given me 5 days off in a row and it has lead me to over think every situation currently affecting me. I'm not on the right path in my life. I've realized I've lost sight of my goals. Losing sight of my goals caused me to be delayed in achieving them. Along with that, I've been feeling more lonely than ever. I'm not positive how to explain that. I'm not alone. I'm probably just wallowing over the fact I've been single for 3 years. Every guy I've had interest in is either in a relationship, doesn't like me back or heard I messed with so & so & didn't bother to ask me.
My best bet would be to say screw relationships right now and hop on board the Goals Train but I can't seem to stomach the fact that I'm single. I go to school, I have a job, I have standards and goals, I'm not in any drama, my exes are completely out of my life and I'm not a bad looking girl. I just don't understand why am I still single? I constantly remind myself when I ask these questions that God is waiting until the perfect moment to put someone special into my life. But could that really be the case? What if he is already in my life and I'm just too blinded by the fabrication that nobody wants me and don't notice him? I'll never question God but I want to know when will I actually meet a guy who likes me just as much as I like him & wants a genuine relationship? All these thoughts arose last Saturday while attending a 20 year wedding renewal of my cousins. It was beautiful. After the ceremony and the reception, my cousins, my mom, my aunts and uncle went to a few clubs and parties; I was left at home because I was under the drinking age. I wanted to be with my boyfriend, but he doesn't exist yet. That's when the loneliness appeared.
If I had a car and a license, I wouldn't have to be so alone. I could go out and do things by myself. I have no issue with that. Besides, I need a getaway from my mom when she annoys me. That's pretty often. When I began working at the zoo, the whole purpose was to save up for driving lessons. In the midst of the excitement of having a job at the place that once rejected me & me loving the job as much as my previous ones, I forgot the entire reason I was there: to save up for driving lessons. Now that I'm trying to get back on the right path to achieve my goals, I feel like it will take me forever to save up $210 plus the $23 to buy my temps and pay for driving lessons when I only get paid bi-weekly. I hate being paid bi-weekly but I absolutely love my job except the hours and being sent home early. I really need a second job but I can't do so if I don't drive. Sometimes I wish I was a rich kid. Between paying actual bills and unexpected life situations, I'm not sure I'll ever get my license and a car. I just needed to get this out my head and somewhere else.
I've noticed these "Today" posts are becoming more common with each coming week. Its definitely a great outlet so I'll probably make it into a series. That means you can begin to expect a "Today" post once every week. Randomly, of course ;)
