I wholeheartedly believe that exes are sneaky son of a
bitches guns. Especially mine. After we broke in October of 2013, I would only hear from him on and off. However, after December of 2013, he completely disappeared and I had no problem with that. During the time of his absence, I spent all of my time focusing on school and bettering myself. As you've probably read, my love life sucks. It only sucks because I'm working on molding myself into a better girlfriend. Anyway, that's not the point here.
The point is my ex is a son of a
bitch gun who believes he can walk in and out of my life as much as he pleases. Recently, from July 14th to July 19th, he sent me two picture messages per day. Due to him being on my blocked list, I never received these messages. I noticed on July 16th when blocking someone else that he had me been sending me these messages. At first I thought it was spam because of the times the messages were sent and how frequently they were sent. Still, I kept his number blocked. I was curious what it might read but if
Mr. Number did not want to show it, maybe I did not need to know what the message read.
Yeah, who am I fooling? I was going to read that message if I had to contact
Mr. Number myself to retrieve it.
On July 19th, I got curious and unblocked his number for the message to come through. The first message he sent, on July 14th came through. The message read "I'm coming home" with a picture of the bracelet I made him attached. I choked on my spit and suddenly became angry. What did he think I was? A game? Did he not know that I was over him? That he couldn't come back here even if he begged me on his knees with my favorite kind of ice cream and Chinese rice? Does he not realize that he hurt me to my soul and is probably the reason why I respect no man other than my family? He hurt me. & that hurt he caused left an open wound on my already damaged heart. He knew that! How dare he think one little picture message could easily change things. Psh.
After we broke up, I was ready to go:
on everything he owned, his parents owned and everything the girl he left me for owned. Yet, I didn't. I took the high road. At first, I blew up about the message. I was mad he had the audacity to try to come back.. But then I laughed my little heart out because I realized then that he blocked me on Instagram during the time span of those messages. HA. I weighed my options about replying to him. If I replied, he may try to explain himself again and tell me he has changed when he really hasn't. But if I don't reply, he may continue to send me messages. After weighing my options, I blocked his number again using Mr. Number and replied to him through Snapchat. I wrote on an envelope "home is where the heart is... you're heartless.. which means you don't have a home." He opened the message the next day and did not reply. The messages have ceased since then.
I learned that the good thing about this is that hurt only lasts as long as I want it to. I can't stop what is done to me, I can only survive it. I chose to survive this and I am. In order to survive, I had to do what was best for me and what was best was to let him go. He wasn't worth my time if so easily he could leave me on multiple occasions for different girls.
So he can't come back to me. After all he's done, we need to end it where it stopped. Even if I miss him, his friendship and his witty antics, I can't allow myself to be put in the position of being hurt or left again. I'm not in the game of getting my heart stepped on anymore. & he damn sure ain't worth it. One day, I will meet a guy who will appreciate my commitment, my heart and my dedication to him. One day he'll come. But I cannot meet him if I am constantly allowing my ex to walk in and out of my life. Nahhh, he can go to the left, to the left!
Can you believe today has been one year ago from
THIS?
Me either. People and things change so quickly.
♥
Reisha
